Summer House S8 Mid-Season(ish) Power Rankings
A summer as fun as it should be
One of the most humbling things about my personal experience as a Bravo fan is when a series follows up a season I’ve repeatedly declared cancellation-worthy with an all-time great one (see: RHONY season 5, RHOSLC season 4, Vanderpump Rules season 10, RHOP season 9 hopefully).
While I didn’t think Summer House should have been cancelled after its abysmal seventh season, I assumed this season would be an equally weak wrap-up of the show’s major storylines before Bravo sent it to the glue factory and let the excellent Martha’s Vineyard spinoff carry the franchise forward. Even an objectively compelling pre-season trailer could not break through my low expectations. But here I am, loving season eight and genuinely looking forward to every new episode. I’ve laughed out loud multiple times each week; the vibes are a surreal and beautiful balance of Everybody Wants Some!! and The War of the Roses; almost everyone is bringing something entertaining to the table. But who’s bringing the most as of episode 5? It’s time for power rankings.
Production Not Hiring a Van Service: On the one hand, the cast being able to come and go via Uber/Lyft whenever they please is part of the show’s charm. If they were subject to a production-dictated sprinter van itinerary, it would feel less like we’re watching friends hanging out at a share house and more like we’re watching coworkers adhering to a strict timetable — and the show is at its best when it convinces us it’s the former. On the other hand, if production doesn’t find transportation they can film in after not the one but two undocumented blowout fights between Lindsay and Carl that have become the season’s primary storyline, they’re committing reality television malpractice.
Danielle: She’s giving nothing, but after her disastrous showings on this season of Winter House and last season of Summer House, nothing is the wisest thing she could give.
Restrictive Filming Regulations in the Hamptons: While the lack of car ride fight footage is far more egregious, it would also be great to see what happens after everyone arrives at their destination more often. That being said, as a Google Keep girlie, I loved the confessional where Amanda pulled out her phone note about what happened at the bar after Lindsay and Carl’s first car ride fight. Representation matters!
Lindsay: Oof, what a villain arc. I’ve never been a Lindsay defender, but I have found her entertaining in the past and have been rooting for her to work on herself and get her shit together. Her performance so far this season has made me doubt she’s capable of that. She’s trying to become season 10 Ariana Madix, but by making baseless claims about another person’s sobriety and leaning on a dubious account of an unfilmed car ride, she’s turned herself into Lisa Rinna. Big lol @ her returning to the house shortly after her dramatic departure with the explanation that “I almost got hit by a mail truck” though.
Craig: He’s by far the best member of the Southern Charm fuckboy holy trinity, but finding someone tolerable against your will is not the same as yearning for their presence on your TV screen. I wish production would let him and Paige break the fourth wall and acknowledge that their inability to reach a consensus on where to live isn’t about the state of their relationship but rather about which of their shows will get canceled first.
Jesse: Jesse’s “I’m tall and I’ll steal your girl” thing is off-putting, but I appreciate him sharing his experience with cancer, and he’s shown intermittent evidence of a sense of humor. Most importantly, he’s proving to be a real shit-stirrer. A new shit-stirrer is something the show has needed for several seasons, and now that we have one, it’s clear that it had to be a man; Lindsay’s baseline hostility toward other women has made it impossible for a new woman to get in the mix fully.
Carl: Carl’s showing this season is even-keeled and rational. While that’s the right way to play the dissolution of his relationship with Lindsay, it doesn’t make for the most compelling screen presence.
Gabby: Lindsay’s other link to the rest of cast is also projecting a calm, reasonable vibe, and while it’s refreshing to see a friend gently but firmly push back on Lindsay’s unhinged takes after all these years of Danielle serving as her yes-woman, Gabby is coming across as a bit low-energy compared to last season. Nevertheless, “that’s not even a niche noodle” reigns supreme as the line of the season so far.
Kyle: While it may be controversial to rank the life of the party lower than his introvert wife, no amount of charming drunken solo snacking can offset the burning hatred I feel when Kyle suggests that Amanda is the person in their marriage who’s struggling with growing up and settling down. That being said, he’s right to avoid buying property and having children with her; these two exist on opposite ends of the homebody-party animal spectrum, and I don’t think they’re capable of transcending such a massive incompatibility.
Amanda: I’ve always been Amanda-agnostic but I’m enjoying her new no-tolerance-for-bullshit era, especially her repeated advocacy for healthy work-life boundaries. She’s going to make a great divorcee.
Paige: I agree with Paige’s haters that she’s a deadpan, judgmental bitch, but because I have taste, I understand that’s what makes her great. Some viewers might not like her tone, but even they can’t deny she’s on a remarkable unbroken streak of unimpeachably correct takes this season. The only thing I hate about her is that she’s making me want to cut my hair short when I’m on the verge of finally growing out the worst cut of my life.
Ciara: One of the few highlights of last season was Ciara’s deranged level of commitment to her theme party costumes, and I’m thrilled to see her carry that energy into this season. While her guardedness has made for weak contributions in seasons past, she’s coming across as funny, wise, confident, and open, and her growth is a compelling counterpoint to Lindsay’s regression.
Reese and Ryder: Yes, I’m biased because they look like my dog if she had floppy ears instead of pointy ones, but I think I speak for everyone when I say: Give them the same contract as Milo on Martha’s Vineyard!
West: Jesse alone would have been enough to break the years-long Summer House streak of flop new male cast members, but we have been blessed with a new star in West. A midwestern short king with bottomless charisma, West is… possibly my favorite man on all of Bravo already? At minimum, he’s sharing the top tier with Rob Minkoff and Russell Abraira. He’s cute, funny, good-natured, self-deprecating, insightful, and has yet to demonstrate any weird ideas about gender — what more could we possibly ask for?