019. Our Practically Invisible Belly Button
Is your uterus full?
This Week’s Pairing: Fatburger and an “Anti-Pasta” Tray
Having eaten more than one Fatburger1 in my day, you’ll never convince me they weren’t paying Bravo for all this integrated advertising.
On paper, this trip has all the makings of a snoozefest: the rest of the cast flies out to Los Angeles to meet the one castmember who’s filming a scripted show, and then they take a quick jaunt to Vegas. If it revolved around, let’s say, any California-based cast — or, god forbid, the Salt Lake City women, who are currently flaunting their inability to hang on Ultimate Girls’ Trip 3 — this vacation would have given us nothing worth covering.
Luckily, we’re in the capable hands of one of the better of Atlanta’s many great casts — Kandi, Cynthia, Porsha, Phaedra, Kenya, Nene on the cusp of fame going to her head — so it gives us everything: fights steeped in hypocrisy, booty workout video discourse, shit talk about somebody’s husband, somebody else’s husband just vibing, a pregnancy scare, heated debates on the nature of Christianity and marriage, and — last but not least — “an exotic extravaganza with ladies of all colors, textures.”
Who Won the Vacation?
Nene v. Everybody Else
The most powerful undercurrent of the Los Angeles leg of the trip2 is that New Normal costar Nene believes her acting career affords her a superior status, and she’ll find every opportunity to flaunt it. The first way she does so is by renting another house for the other women instead of letting them stay with her. This quickly results in chaos because Nene invites them to a party at her house the night they arrive and they show up very late — something that could have been avoided if she had simply had them stay at the house where she was hosting the party.
When Cynthia calls Nene from the car to let her know they’re running late, she tells them not to bother coming over at all — but they think she’s just trying to test them (a fair assumption; this is Nene after all) and decide to show up anyway to make amends. Their apologies aren’t the most earnest thing I’ve ever seen, but they’re not nearly as performative as Nene’s dramatic refusal to let them in the house at all. Yes, it’s annoying that they were so late — especially since a meal was served — but the “I have to go to bed early because I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow” of it all is ridiculous.
Accepting their punishment, the other women make a pit stop at Fatburger to make up for the meal they missed before heading back to their rental, and the next morning, everyone agrees to set the conflict aside after Nene shows up very late to their group activity with the Groundlings.
WINNER: Everybody/nobody. Nene is right to be annoyed that the other women showed up nearly three hours late for a function where a meal was served; the other women are right to be annoyed about how Nene uses this opportunity to flex about her acting career.
Porsha v. Everybody Else
The one-against-five dynamic revives itself on the Vegas leg of the trip thanks to Porsha’s weird ideas about marriage and respectability preventing her from accompanying the rest of the women on a trip to a strip club called the Crazy Horse.3 It would be one thing if Porsha just didn’t want to go for her own reasons, but it’s clear within her multiple explanations that visiting a strip club would violate the public image Kordell wants her to present as his wife.
The other women’s reactions aren’t so much a conflict as they are — with one exception — a reflection of genuine concern/bewilderment about Porsha’s marriage: Nene and Kandi can’t imagine participating in a partnership in which a man gives them permission to do things. Cynthia is worried about Kordell exercising control over Porsha. Phaedra is put off by Porsha using Christianity as an excuse because she believes strip clubs are extremely Christian due to all the nudity in the Bible. Kenya tries to make it all about her perception that Porsha lacks individual accomplishments.
Aside from that last one, all their points are valid and seem to come from a place of care for Porsha rather than a place of judgment, and they initiate multiple, unheated follow-up conversations to try to get a pulse on what’s really going on in Porsha and Kordell’s marriage — conversations that make clear that their concerns are probably valid.
WINNER: Everybody else is correct (except Kenya, who’s just seizing an opportunity to be mean to Porsha). Have to give credit to Porsha though, re: how much progress she’s made on the subject of having naughty fun on girls’ trips.
Kenya v. Phaedra
The tensions that emerged between Kenya and Phaedra in Anguilla persist here, amplified by the fact that they’re both working on similar-sounding workout video projects. Phaedra — the first to stake a claim on the booty workout video concept — is passive-aggressive with Kenya throughout the trip, mentioning her now ex-boyfriend Walter and refusing to share the title of her video lest Kenya steal that too.
But the conflict doesn’t boil over until the end of the trip when Kandi proposes a game in which the women anonymously write down their relationship questions on slips of paper and then take turns randomly drawing questions to answer. Kenya seizes this opportunity to ask a friendship question that’s clearly directed at Phaedra, and when Phaedra responds, Kenya says there’s nothing Phaedra can do to make amends. As Nene says, “So this is not going to work out, nothing is going to be resolved” — so why bring it up at all?
WINNER: Phaedra by default. Kenya is trying to stir shit up but not catch any shit herself, and that’s not how the game works.
Trendwatch
Hard to think of a braver person than Cynthia Bailey, who successfully rides a mechanical bull on the Vegas leg of the trip while wearing a voluminous wig, a maxi dress, and no underwear.
Regrettably Relatable
I know I’ve referenced Kandi’s love of food before, but her asking if she could get a to-go plate of food from Nene’s house — not to mention Gregg calmly going inside to get her one against Nene’s wishes — because “I’m not the nicest person when I’m hungry, okay?” really sent me, a fellow hangry girl. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for nearly a year and a half and still have snacks before we see each other to keep him from seeing my bad side.
Wise Words
“Your marriage is supposed to complement and enhance who you are.” — Nene, in just one of many rich insights into the gender dynamics of heterosexual partnership while presenting a much-needed counterpoint to Porsha’s respectability politics
“The original pregnancy test: You feed a rabbit your urine. If he dies, you’re pregnant.” I mean, if you say so, Phaedra.4
What’s on Deck
I hope you like yelling, because next week’s installment will cover an Orange County trip to Puerto Vallarta. If you’re watching along, whoop it up with episodes 11 and 12 of season 8.
It’s not In n Out or Five Guys bad, but I’m not surprised that the one in Tempe went out of business given its proximity to Shake Shack, Smashburger, and the Habit (not to mention local delicacy the Chuckbox).
A big part of what makes this trip good is that it’s easy to believe these women would fly out to LA to visit Nene. On other franchises when the women visit one castmember’s secondary residence, it’s often obvious that the appeal is the destination, not the company (see: SLC’s Meredith Marks ignoring years of crime to have an excuse to visit New York).
RIP Adriana La Cerva, you would have loved Bravo and had the worst opinions about it.
I can’t believe she’ll be co-starring with Bravo’s current reigning number-one weirdo (Dr. Heavenly) on Married to Medicine next season.
"Phaedra is put off by Porsha using Christianity as an excuse because she believes strip clubs are extremely Christian due to all the nudity in the Bible." Amazing. I need to rewatch this episode.